MY ADHD CHILD
He's bouncin' off the wall,
a superball gone insane,
he runs through your world
like an off-rail freight train.
Interruptions are constant,
When it's time to do homework,
he's gone, out the door.
The drama is constant,
oh his foot fell asleep,
He moans and he wails
the theatrics run deep.
School is a nightmare
the teachers are lost,
if they only could see
he is worth the cost.
He is brighter than most
as most these kids are
and with patience and love
I know he'll go far.
But the crap I must take
from well meaning friends,
"Don't let him do that!"
"Oh, these rules that he bends!"
"You're not a good parent"
"Your child's really rude,"
"His temper's outrageous,"
"He has hands in his food!"
He hears this and wonders
just what's wrong with me?
I tell him, "You're special,
you have A.D.H.D.
Now A.D.H.D. is a gift from above
it teaches us grownups
how to strengthen our love.
It helps teach your teachers,
no two kids are the same.
You have awesome energy
that could bring you great fame.
You don't need much sleep
you never wear down,
you're silly and funny
when you act like a clown.
You've felt lots of pain
from what people have said.
but you pray for those people
when you go to bed.
So just try every day
to make a fresh start,
for God gifted you
with an extra big heart."
As I look at my child,
he sees through my soul,
my heart feels like bursting
as I realize my goal.
I know this young boy
like no one else could,
he's a blessing to me,
he's strong and he's good.
So I'll love him and guide him
through the worst of the worst,
and he'll make a great man
(if I don't kill him first).
I'm kidding, of course,
'cause I know what's to be,
when I look in his eyes,
it's a reflection of me.
WHERE IS MY BABY?
©By: Tracy Nicolaus
The doctor grinned, "here’s a boy for you!"
"Wow look at that cowlick!"
& God grinned down too.
I inhale your scent,
It’s baby shampoo,
The crisp clean smell
of a gown brand new.
Then I watch you scoot,
around on your back,
Little arms flailing
in your sweet jammie sack.
Soon you are crawling,
you’ve a new sippy cup,
Your bouncin’ and bangin’
in Johnny Jump Up.
Next thing I know,
you’ve stepped your first time,
Then you go runnin’
& you love nursery rhymes.
Your playful & silly
& messy & naughty,
Yet you look like an angel
asleep on your potty.
Rambunctious and strong willed
you ride your first bike,
Left behind is the big wheel
and the worn out red trike.
Before I am ready
your dressed up for school,
I cry as you go off,
but I try to act cool.
Then first grade to sixth grade
goes by like a blur,
Mudpies and marbles
and coonskin cap fur.
I look at you one day
and your eyes level mine,
I laugh as your voice cracks
and were doin’ just fine.
When the girls start to call you
it’s sweet and it hurts,
The puppy love pain
from these Jr. high flirts.
You no longer snuggle up
close in my lap,
You don’t want to kiss me
& now I need the nap.
I don’t know exactly
when you left for high school,
But the days grow much shorter
and I’m no longer so cool.
I buy you your razors and your new shaving cream,
I watch a man blossom straight out of a dream.
Your cap and your gown
came in the mail yesterday,
The navy guy called
and your going away.
Graduation is coming
and boot camp is next,
I smell your cologne
and I’m somewhat perplexed.
Where is that baby?
He smells of fresh powder!
Where is my baby?
And the drum beat gets louder.
WHERE IS MY BABY?
I scream in the night.
I’ve let go of my baby,
a mamas worst fight.
Go on sweet bird,
go on and take flight.
Who could have known?
©By: Tracy Nicolaus
Who would have thought it? Who could have known?
Where you would wind up, Now that you’ve grown.
You’re here in the city, a Victorian space,
with roommates & music all over the place!
Your Grandmas piano, adorning the wall,
The music you write, lifts the angels who fall.
A beautiful man to gaze upon, just 24 years old,
has begun his life long dream at last, and I’m watching it unfold.
A college of performing arts, 4 years of hell to pay,
you stuck it out in the navy babe, and now your on your way.
Next year you’ll have your Masters Degree,
so much life ahead,
It seems amazing now my love,
but it’s like I always said,
The world just couldn’t see you,
through my eyes,
We ignored the opinions,
and shot off for the skies.
For you and I share a special bond,
with our ADHD,
& both of us are shinning bright,
with what was meant to be.
I’m a writer who loves my art,
your a master in every form,
Music, singing, acting, dance,
since the day that you were born.
I’m so proud of you son,
as I watch what you’ve done,
You are worth my best effort
and your life’s just begun.
And remember my words….
Life should be fun!!!!
© By: Tracy Nicolaus
What kind of mother sits in the front yard, making mud-pies before dawn?
Then hoses her son and herself down like animals, don't you think that's wrong?
And did you see that tantrum her kid threw, in the grocery store?
Why she just stood there smiling at him, I can't take this anymore!
I should call Protective Services and have that boy taken away,
to a nice quiet family, normal you know? Where he'll learn how to obey!
Once she pinned him down on the sidewalk, imagine how he felt!
I looked at her shamefully and she said "HEY! I'm not using a belt!"
I hear she put a padlock, on the outside of his door,
she told Sally it's "for his protection, when she couldn't take anymore"!
Everyone hears his screaming, that yelling never ends!
And she's always with that poor child, he hasn't got any friends!
She taught him to play with matches and knives,
I saw it myself, do you think that is wise?
They were throwing a butter knife at each others feet,
right there on the lawn, at the edge of the street!
And one day she had these matches, a whole big box of them,
they sat on the curb, and she watched as he burned, each one of them to the end!
The poor child was just sobbing, he had blisters on his thumb!
I was listening, heres what she said to him "See? Playing with matches is dumb"!
"Natural consequences" her only reply, I tell you it's all rubbish!
If that were my child, I'll tell you what! He would be PROPERLY punished!
And it's odd, 'cause I KNOW she's the worst kind of Mom,
but that boy has a twinkle in his eye like a song.
And he's really quite charming and a smart little chap,
it's amazing he survives with a mother like that!
©BY: TRACY NICOLAUS
We went to my Dads house one sweet Christmas Eve,
running late once again 'cause my son would not leave,
his video game till he reached the next level,
and then on the car ride he was tempting the devil!
Punching his brothers, squirming and climbing,
yelling out words in a jumble of rhyming.
By the time we arrived, we all needed some space,
so I told the heathen to go wash his face!
He ran off to the bathroom and we all got quite calm,
chatting and laughing, but something was wrong.
And then it just struck me! "CODY'S TOO QUIET"!
The whole room erupted, we were in a full riot!
Some hit the backyard, flashlight in hand,
others in bedrooms, under beds and night-stands.
He heard the commotion and peeked his head out,
"I'm in here, in the bathroom" he said with a shout,
we all came in running, with fear and dismay,
in his hand a straight razor meant just for display!
Softly I spoke "Cody, what did you do?"
"You've been gone a long time, we've been looking for you!"
He sheepishly smiled and began his whole story,
in his eyes we saw brilliance, wonder and glory.
"Remember that last time we had the car washed?
And those ribbons of soapy towels splished and they sploshed?
well I made some for Grandfar to use in his bath",
I peered round the corner and my heart it just crashed!
Their beautiful guest towels, sliced in jagged long rows,
soapy fresh bubbles covering throw rugs and toes.
Everyone silent, what happened next?
Well friends I'll leave that for you all to guess!
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice, and DON’T stare at my son!
He appears to be barbaric to you, but the two of us are one.
You know he’s only 4 years old & I’ll raise him as I choose,
Cause if I break his spirit, I might miss all the clues.
He holds the spirit of Mother Earth, Father Sun and Time,
The secrets of the universe, the wild and the sublime,
So I will watch him tenderly as he runs and makes you nervous,
I will NOT domesticate him to your illusion so perverse!
So listen to the chanting, watch how swift he moves,
Listen as to music, fall in his hypnotic grooves,
WAKE UP, let him shake you up, to what we’ve all forgotten,
THIS BOY IS THE IMAGE OF GOD,
it’s the world that’s been spoiled rotten!
My Sons all 3
©by; Tracy Nicolaus
Freckled nose & wild clear eyes
Mischievous grin he can not hide.
His little fingers hold me tight,
& My heart skips a beat when he hugs me goodnight.
From baby to boy to young man now,
Yet retaining that innocence some way, yes somehow.
Still full of questions some silly some deep,
Still soft & snugly still loves his sleep.
God really must love me to loan me this child,
& I know I can’t keep him & it drives me quite wild.
But I pray I’ve got lots of years to enjoy,
This amazing young man in this sweet loving boy.
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
I'd really love to go with you to the mall today,
but we'll have to go in separate cars, so I can stay and play.
I'll bring my bottled water, my meds and a small snack,
'cause once I get inside the stores, I sometimes can't get back,
I see the pretty colors and the sparkly shiny things,
and I have to look at every one and try on all the rings.
It doesn't matter that I have, a kitchen overflow,
I can't walk past the china case, 'cause I just want to know,
What patterns are in season, what trinkets make me smile,
I loose all sense of time and space, as I walk down every isle.
I forget to use the bathroom, forget I have a phone,
I get inside those sweet boutiques in a world all of my own.
Sometimes I fill the shopping cart, with everything I want,
and say "oops I forgot my cash!", a fairly harmless stunt.
But I know myself quite well you see, so I have no hesitation,
and as I walk out of the store I smile, ahh instant gratification!
So if were at the mall today and there's something I must buy,
will you please pick it up for me, and when I'm home just bring it by.
What's that you say? Forget it? You've really changed your mind?
It's just as well, 'cause I heard tell of a thrift store I must find.
Now where did I put those keys?
ADULT ADHD CHRISTMAS BLUR
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
I GOT GREAT GIFTS FROM U.P.S. AND QUICKLY OPENED THEM ALL.
WHO ON EARTH COULD WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS? BUT I DID GET TO THE MALL!
I BOUGHT A BUNCH OF PERFECT THINGS, AS SWEET AS THEY COULD BE,
THAT AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF IS UNDERNEATH MY TREE.
I HAVE ALL MY DECORATIONS, WRAPPING PAPER TOO,
BUT I FORGOT TO BUY SCOTCH TAPE SO I'M GONNA USE HOT GLUE.
WHEN I WENT TO GET THE GLUE GUN OUT, I FOUND ALL MY OLD BEADS,
SO I THOUGHT I'D MAKE SOME JEWELRY, THATS WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS!
AND THEN I DID MORE SHOPPING, CAUSE I FORGOT TO MAKE A LIST,
SEE I WAS GETTING CARDS FROM PEOPLE THAT IT SEEMS I MUST HAVE MISSED.
AND I HAVE ALL OF MY CHRISTMAS CARDS, STAMPS, AND EVEN A PEN,
I MEANT TO GET THEM OUT LAST WEEK, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
THESE ARE THE CARDS I BOUGHT LAST YEAR, BUT NEVER GOT THEM OUT,
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T SEND THEM, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
MOST OF THE TIME, IT'S NOT TO ROUGH, TO HAVE THIS ADD,
BUT LATELY I'M AS SCATTERED AS A HUMAN GIRL CAN BE!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE TIME GOES, WITH THIS CRAZY HYPER-FOCUS!
I'D LOVE TO GET THE WRAPPING DONE, BUT I'M OUT OF HOCUS POCKUS!
AND MY HUSBANDS ABOUT HAD IT, HE CANNOT FIND HIS CHAIR,
I SWEAR IT'S IN THE LIVING-ROOM, BENEATH THE CRAP IN THERE.
SOME PEOPLE GET THE BLUES AT CHRISTMAS, WELL I SURE DON'T! DO YOU?
I JUST GET BEHIND ALOT, BUT THERES NOT MUCH I CAN DO.
SEE THE FOLKS THAT TRULY LOVE ME, UNDERSTAND ME VERY WELL,
THEY KNOW I HAVE THE BEST INTENTIONS, AND THEY HARDLY EVER YELL,
WHEN I SHOW UP LATE TO PARTYS, FORGET TO BRING THE PIE,
THEY HAVE LEARNED THAT THOUGH I'M WONDERFUL, THEY JUST CAN NOT RELY,
ON ME AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, TO GET ALL THIS STUFF DONE,
BUT I SWEAR THIS YEAR I'LL SEND EACH CARD AND GIFT, YES EVERY ONE!
SINCE TOMORROW NIGHT IS CHRISTMAS EVE, I THINK STUFF MIGHT BE LATE,
BUT THERE SUCH CUTE CARDS, I PERSONALLY THINK, THEY ARE WORTH THE WAIT!
SO BE GENTLE WITH US SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE THIS A.D.D.,
WE MAY BE A LITTLE SIDEWAYS, BUT WERE FUN! JUST LOOK AT ME!
YES WERE THE ONES THAT YOU CAN THANK FOR DRAGGING THE HOLIDAYS OUT.
WHEN YOU GET YOUR GIFT IN APRIL, YOU'LL SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
IT'S THOSE SHOES! ODE TO WWW.FLYLADY.COM
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
It’s those shoes, it’s those shoes, it’s those shoes I yell,
Before those darn shoes, all here was well!
But now I’ve done opened up Pandora’s Box,
For when I wear shoes, I must wear some socks!
Stealing my husbands worked for a while,
My morning routine left me wearing a smile.
The laundry caught up each day like a blink,
Waking up every morning to a bright shining sink.
My timer was set to 15 minutes flat,
I moved through the house, cleaning this tossing that.
This FlyBabys progress went straight to my head,
With a whole month behind me of making my bed.
So I went out last week to buy me some shoes,
The lace up kind, I found pink, I found blue.
I brought them both home and my husband was glad,
For he saw it all coming and he knew I’d been had.
Well this morning I found out why he’d been so smug,
As I made up the bed and I straightened the rug.
I grabbed my pink shoes and I went to MY drawer…
He just stood there watching, I hadn’t done THIS before!
A gasp of horror came from my lips,
As I tried quickly to close it, but out came the slips,
Bathing suits jumped up with shorts close behind,
Weird things were flying, it just blew my mind.
Oh help me FlyLady I just can not see.
I’m stuck here in fear, what will happen to me?
My timer wont work it’s too much to face,
Paralyzed in my tracks and feeling disgraced!
So I’m off to the store, yes to buy more.
I mean after all that’s what money is for!
I want pink ones and blue ones with a sweet ruffled hem,
But I need your advise, I have no where to put them?
THE HONOR OF MENTORSHIP
BY: TRACY NICOLAUS
Written for the fall issue of FOCUS Magazine.
I was at a pizza party for a friend’s birthday recently.
At the end of the table was a high chair, attempting to hold a wild toddler.
Within an hour, I’d seen him throw pizza on the floor, spill 3 water glasses, and fling a dough ball.
He was getting highly agitated at his confinement and soon was in a full blown tantrum.
I had known this single young mom for months but had not met her child.
I recognized the horror on her face as he threw a huge glob of ice cream on the gentleman seated behind him.
I had that same look myself, 22 years ago when my son was that age.
I asked her if I could take him for a walk.
Relieved, frazzled, and close to tears, she said "PLEASE!
He began squirming ferociously in my arms.
I was able to keep him fascinated for nearly 2 minutes
with the twirling pizza guy, but then... he smacked me,
square in the face with his sticky hand.
I took his arm and firmly said "hitting is not O.K.!"
to which he replied "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
Mommy came running. I calmly told her what happened and asked
to take him outside, she agreed. We stood outside the
glass door so Mom could see (leaving my husband behind for collateral).
For the next 25 minutes I was in a time warp.
I remembered the years of coping with stares from strangers,
the feelings of being a "bad mom" and thinking "what is wrong with my child?"
I had forgotten how long and loud a 2 year old ADHD toddler can fight. What was different this time?
I had nothing but patient love for the boy.
When Mom did come out, we had a long talk.
I was able to affirm her, and encourage her.
I had been where she was and survived, therefore she trusted me.
What an honor it was to pass along hope to one who felt hopeless.
I gave a gift to her that I had only dreamed of. A mentor.
Someone who understood. Someone who’d learned the hard way,
but had pioneered a trail for others to follow.
How I had yearned for someone like that.
At the end of the night, it was Mom I was holding as she cried.
Tears of gratitude and relief. As our friendship grows,
I have re-lived my past from a new perspective.
Listening to hysterical moment to moment living keeps me humbled.
I am able to share that one day, she may look back at this time
and her spirit will soar! For she is here.
Every second being completely saturated into her soul!
Being with an ADHD human puts anyone smack dab in the middle
of the universal power of life. Nothing on the planet is like it!
You know your alive, you feel it, you are present for each and every second.
I remember those days that lasted forever,
coping, wondering if either of us would survive.
Here I am, calm (as long as I remember to take my meds)
and delighted that the son who’d seemed determined to destroy us,
is completing his masters degree in Humanitarianism,
with an ephasis on performing arts and activism.
I am able to gift these newcomers with perspective and laughter;
they gift me with the fresh breath of life’s energy, that I thought I never wanted to see again.
Lately I have become a frantic mom magnet. How odd and wonderful.
I am honored to be available for them, it was my wish to receive mentorship,
my wish has come true, but as the giver instead of the receiver; thus completing the circle.
Single mothers song
(Every word of it true)
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
Clutter clutter everywhere,
the brush is missing I can’t comb my hair.
The dishes stink, the dog has fleas,
The walls are gross, this dust makes me sneeze.
Sunflower shells, popsicle sticks,
Pieces of paper, the sink has oil slicks.
Toothpaste on the bathroom floor,
Mudpies on the bedroom door.
Forks in the garden, trucks in the drain,
I look around at a house gone insane.
The grass is dying, sprinklers are broke,
Daisies long gone from weeds murderous choke.
My car windows smeared with kids’ dirty prints,
My sock drawer is empty but one hairy pink mint.
My fridge is most empty, just no time to shop,
These messes keep growing, I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP!
My kids just don’t care, they like messy hair,
My neighbors come over and openly stare.
My youngest is naked, streaking the street,
And in the fridge there’s green fuzz on the meat.
Dead crickets are floating in a sweet pickle jar,
It’s been 30,000 miles since an oil change in my car.
My bills are all covered with crayon drawn notes,
The hall bathroom toilet’s where one tennis shoe floats.
Today I will work another 12-hour day,
Cause single mothers don’t have time to play.
I’ll walk in the door past the sweet disarray,
And my beautiful boys will have so much to say.
“Mom can you read this?” “Mom look at me!”
“Mom will you help please?” “Mommy wants tea!”
“Mom come and kiss me!” “Mommy let’s cook!”
“Mom what’s this word in my fairy tail book?”
Since the house and yard don’t care,
I think it would be all right,
If I slid off my shoes,
ignored all the chores
and spent time with my children tonight.
Tracy Nicolaus is a freelance writer from Northern California.
She is an artist, a published author, lyricist, and singer.
Tracy was diagnosed with adult ADHD in the late 1980s.
She has three beautiful adult sons, 2 with ADD and one with ADHD.