he rescued me from a life of pain
we made it through five years
he was falling deeper
mom he took his life today
I know right now you can’t make sense
he is out of pain at last
Raising 3 wonderful sons was the greatest adventure of my life! 2 ADD and one severely ADHD (like his momma) gave me stamina, patience, and a sense of humor. Anyone who has raised a kid or 2 like this, or who lives with ADHD themselves may appreciate these poems and stories. Feel free to share them with friends and family and link to my page I need all the help and support I can get! You know what else? YOU DO TOO!
THE HONOR OF MENTORSHIP
BY: TRACY NICOLAUS
Written for the fall issue of FOCUS Magazine.
I was at a pizza party for a friend’s birthday recently.
At the end of the table was a high chair, attempting to hold a wild toddler.
Within an hour, I’d seen him throw pizza on the floor, spill 3 water glasses, and fling a dough ball.
He was getting highly agitated at his confinement and soon was in a full blown tantrum.
I had known this single young mom for months but had not met her child.
I recognized the horror on her face as he threw a huge glob of ice cream on the gentleman seated behind him.
I had that same look myself, 22 years ago when my son was that age.
I asked her if I could take him for a walk.
Relieved, frazzled, and close to tears, she said "PLEASE!
He began squirming ferociously in my arms.
I was able to keep him fascinated for nearly 2 minutes
with the twirling pizza guy, but then... he smacked me,
square in the face with his sticky hand.
I took his arm and firmly said "hitting is not O.K.!"
to which he replied "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
Mommy came running. I calmly told her what happened and asked
to take him outside, she agreed. We stood outside the
glass door so Mom could see (leaving my husband behind for collateral).
For the next 25 minutes I was in a time warp.
I remembered the years of coping with stares from strangers,
the feelings of being a "bad mom" and thinking "what is wrong with my child?"
I had forgotten how long and loud a 2 year old ADHD toddler can fight. What was different this time?
I had nothing but patient love for the boy.
When Mom did come out, we had a long talk.
I was able to affirm her, and encourage her.
I had been where she was and survived, therefore she trusted me.
What an honor it was to pass along hope to one who felt hopeless.
I gave a gift to her that I had only dreamed of. A mentor.
Someone who understood. Someone who’d learned the hard way,
but had pioneered a trail for others to follow.
How I had yearned for someone like that.
At the end of the night, it was Mom I was holding as she cried.
Tears of gratitude and relief. As our friendship grows,
I have re-lived my past from a new perspective.
Listening to hysterical moment to moment living keeps me humbled.
I am able to share that one day, she may look back at this time
and her spirit will soar! For she is here.
Every second being completely saturated into her soul!
Being with an ADHD human puts anyone smack dab in the middle
of the universal power of life. Nothing on the planet is like it!
You know your alive, you feel it, you are present for each and every second.
I remember those days that lasted forever,
coping, wondering if either of us would survive.
Here I am, calm (as long as I remember to take my meds)
and delighted that the son who’d seemed determined to destroy us,
is completing his masters degree in Humanitarianism,
with an ephasis on performing arts and activism.
I am able to gift these newcomers with perspective and laughter;
they gift me with the fresh breath of life’s energy, that I thought I never wanted to see again.
Lately I have become a frantic mom magnet. How odd and wonderful.
I am honored to be available for them, it was my wish to receive mentorship,
my wish has come true, but as the giver instead of the receiver; thus completing the circle.
Single mothers song
(Every word of it true)
©By; Tracy Nicolaus
Clutter clutter everywhere,
the brush is missing I can’t comb my hair.
The dishes stink, the dog has fleas,
The walls are gross, this dust makes me sneeze.
Sunflower shells, popsicle sticks,
Pieces of paper, the sink has oil slicks.
Toothpaste on the bathroom floor,
Mudpies on the bedroom door.
Forks in the garden, trucks in the drain,
I look around at a house gone insane.
The grass is dying, sprinklers are broke,
Daisies long gone from weeds murderous choke.
My car windows smeared with kids’ dirty prints,
My sock drawer is empty but one hairy pink mint.
My fridge is most empty, just no time to shop,
These messes keep growing, I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP!
My kids just don’t care, they like messy hair,
My neighbors come over and openly stare.
My youngest is naked, streaking the street,
And in the fridge there’s green fuzz on the meat.
Dead crickets are floating in a sweet pickle jar,
It’s been 30,000 miles since an oil change in my car.
My bills are all covered with crayon drawn notes,
The hall bathroom toilet’s where one tennis shoe floats.
Today I will work another 12-hour day,
Cause single mothers don’t have time to play.
I’ll walk in the door past the sweet disarray,
And my beautiful boys will have so much to say.
“Mom can you read this?” “Mom look at me!”
“Mom will you help please?” “Mommy wants tea!”
“Mom come and kiss me!” “Mommy let’s cook!”
“Mom what’s this word in my fairy tail book?”
Since the house and yard don’t care,
I think it would be all right,
If I slid off my shoes,
ignored all the chores
and spent time with my children tonight.
Tracy Nicolaus is a freelance writer from Northern California.
She is an artist, a published author, lyricist, and singer.
Tracy was diagnosed with adult ADHD in the late 1980s.
She has three beautiful adult sons, 2 with ADD and one with ADHD.